UNFINISHED BUSINESS

“What would you do if you were free, unfettered by the claims of the past?”

~ James Hollis, Jungian analyst

We in New Thought and the Human Potential Movement hear a lot about living in the now. Indeed, it is a sound spiritual principle, although, like so many spiritual principles, it is an often misunderstood one. Without going into a lot of detail, let me say this – you cannot live completely in the now, and you cannot be happy in the now if you have unfinished business from your past.

This idea of unfinished business has come up a lot in my life lately. I would describe unfinished business as unresolved strands from the past which require some kind of action in the present. The kind of unfinished business that holds us in place, keeps us from advancing, usually has a strong emotional component. It may be a grievance from being betrayed in the past, or a sense of shame from a past act of commission or omission on your part. It may be that one or more losses have not been grieved sufficiently; or the inability to go beyond grieving. It may be an unfinished or never-started conversation with someone which calls to you for resolution. It can also be a garage full of clutter, a stack of unpaid bills, or a few hundred unanswered emails.

The idea that a simple decision to live “in the now” can relieve us of the psychic energy of such unfinished business is naïve at best. It is also a denial of the complexity of our inner and outer lives.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

~ Anaïs Nin

We are complex beings with complex minds and emotions. To think that we can make a conscious “executive decision” to stay in the present moment when our subconscious mind contains many levels of existence is immature thinking. We need to see ourselves for what we are – complex beings containing multitudes as the poet Walt Whitman said. Our past should not rule our present, but if we have unfinished business from the past, it holds us back from enjoying the present moment or planning the future. And, by the way, organizations and spiritual communities have unfinished business as well. Clearing and healing the past is essential if we are to move forward without the baggage of past issues restricting our ability to grow.

“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise, they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

~ Joan Didion

I often recommend a process of exploring and acting on unfinished business for my coaching clients. You can begin with making a list of items which come to mind, while setting an intention to add items which you may not currently have in conscious memory to come to mind. Write it all down. Go through the list methodically and determine which items carry the most weight for you, which ones can be dealt with relatively easily, which ones will necessitate uncomfortable conversations, etc.

Work on no more than two or three at a time. As the items on the list are checked off, you will find a lightening of your mood and a greater sense of freedom in your life. Once you have cleared the list, make sure that you stay current with issues as they arise, so that the list stays clear. Then, you can evolve and grow to new levels of being without the baggage of the past holding you back.

“An evolving system cannot return to the past.”

~ Barbara Marx Hubbard

As always, your comments are welcomed.

Copyright 2021 – Jim Lockard