WHEN THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IS TOXIC, PART 1

This is a difficult post for me to write and publish.Especially right after my most recent post – WHY I LOVE NEW THOUGHT (LINK). I guess it is a case of divine timing.

It was inspired by a comment to a previous post on spiritual leadership (LINK). In my professional life, I have served for 24 years as a police officer and for 21 years as a minister of Religious Science. I say serve, because both roles are service if done properly – if approached from a consciousness of giving of your best self to something bigger than yourself. So I have served, imperfectly to be sure, but I have been able to give of myself in a variety of roles and have, for the most part, avoided the sense of separation that affects so many in the “service” professions.

From many in my law enforcement family today there is a sense of indignation that the citizens that they serve(d) would see them as harmful, even as casual assassins. But rather than a recourse to deep inner exploration, there is an angry retort, a “HOW DARE YOU!” attitude accompanied by a refusal to give an inch in the grand debate about relationships with citizens of color in the United States. This is a response from fear, from a tribal sense of us vs. them that has been cultivated over time in the police culture. It is the result of our (yes OUR) collective failure to teach things like emotional intelligence and the Shadow (LINK) in our culture. I include this information because my experiences in law enforcement have helped to frame my viewpoints about leadership integrity.

When I see the long line of spiritual leaders who have failed to show emotional intelligence (LINK) or spiritual intelligence (LINK) in their work, I weep. From the Catholic priests who abused children (and others) (LINK) to the televangelists who scam their emotionally unintelligent flock, to the New Thought ministers who have run afoul of ethical standards, we can see the difficulties inherent in positions of “service.”

Some years ago, since I had a background in law enforcement, I was asked to help revise the then RSI/ICSL policies regarding ethical complaints and investigations. In order to see what was needed, I reviewed a number of old cases (which I will not reveal here). What I saw was a number of very sad and disturbing cases where ministers or practitioners preyed upon or took advantage of those in their circle of influence.

What were the main drivers of these ethical and legal violations? The same ones that I saw in police work:

• Money
• Sex
• Power

Actually, when sex was involved it was usually about power, not just sex. All of these issues arise from a sense of separation and a lack of self-value of one sort or another. Our New Thought teachings and their emphasis on positive thinking can form a mask, or create a spiritual bypass, over our inner fears, hatreds, and dysfunctions – even when they appear out in the open. The spiritual leader who becomes toxic (not in essence, but in actions) will often attract into his circle people whose own inner needs make them enablers of the dysfunctions of others. The Law of Attraction (LINK) works here to create a situation where harm can and does occur.

In many of our spiritual communities, we are conditioned to believe that the spiritual leader has the deepest knowledge of the teaching and that his knowledge should not be questioned; then, we may observe dysfunctional behavior and have to decide what to do about it. If we are lacking in emotional and spiritual intelligence, we will likely form a mindset that makes what the leader is doing acceptable and understandable, or we will deny it entirely. Those upon whom the toxic leader is preying will often come to be seen as the ones who have done something wrong.

The kinds of behaviors that occur in such cases can include relatively common ones, such as the spiritual leader being needy and creating a group around her who enable her neediness by trying to give her what she is not providing for herself. This can include attention, money, companionship, even romantic relationships, etc. Such a situation can upend the vision and core values of the community and put all of the community’s energy into serving the spiritual leader.

Another version of this is the spiritual leader with an autocratic streak, who insists on complete fealty from members, including board members and other leaders, to his authority. Often, people are bullied and trampled emotionally by such a leader. Trust quickly evaporates in such conditions and those members with a healthy sense of self-value will likely depart; leaving behind those who are inclined to be the victims and enablers of such behavior.

There may be no obvious great harm in this, at least not in the short term, however, the spiritual community who has such a leader will expend most of its energy in “supporting the spiritual leader” rather than in developing spiritually intelligent members.

Other behaviors can be more damaging – such as a spiritual leader who borrows money from members or lets members pay for his expenses on a regular basis; or who takes “advances” on future earnings from the community bank account; or who embezzles the spiritual community’s funds.

A spiritual leader who takes advantage of others sexually through relationships established in classes or in counseling settings is another example of such seriously harmful behavior. Such abuses of power are always out of integrity – even though some have led to marriages which have endured. It is a paradox – but one that more often has a sad outcome for the spiritual leaders’ “romantic” victims.

So what are we to do when such situations occur? The spiritual leader is expected to be the living example of integrity and spiritual intelligence. What do we do when he or she is not?

In Part 2, I will explore what resources exist for such issues within the spiritual organizations, and what options members of a spiritual community whose leader is expressing toxic behaviors have in creating a healing outcome.

In Part 3, I will explore healing options for the spiritual leaders who find themselves out of integrity.

As always, your comments are welcome – however, I am asking that any comments about specific cases not include specific identifying information (names/places), for what I think are obvious reasons. Comments which include such information will not be published.

I am available for personal consultations – contact me at DrJim-Lockard@ATT.net for that purpose.

Copyright 2016 – Jim Lockard