ON INTEGRITY

Integrity is a shared process.

Integrity is interrelational.

Integrity is contextual.

Integrity is integrating.

Integrity is unscripted.

Integrity is a kind of super-attention.

Integrity is watching for the cracks in what you thought you knew.

Integrity is willingness to learn together.

~ Nora Bateson

Integrity is an important word and concept. It is critically important in spiritual and religious circles. Without integrity there can be no real spiritual growth in an individual or group. You can say that integrity is integral to attaining true fulfillment as a spiritual student.

The revelation that spiritual guru Deepak Chopra is mentioned multiple times in the email files linked to the Jeffrey Epstein case is, at a minimum, disturbing (LINK). A deeper dive into the situation, including how often so-called spiritual celebrities have difficulty maintaining integrity is here (LINK).

“My intent is to be generous of spirit and live with total integrity every day of my life.”
~ Deepak Chopra

“There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity.”
~ Tom Peters

I have often considered some spiritual celebrities as conduits to New Thought for many people. Author Wayne Dyer was such a way shower for me, leading me to being open enough to explore the Science of Mind in the 1980’s. I am grateful for that, and for much of the wisdom that Dyer shared over the years, even though he had his own lapses of integrity, including this (LINK).

One of the most disturbing factors of the crimes associated with Jeffrey Epstein and his wide circle of influential friends and clients is the extent to which such horrific behavior went on and was widely known (and therefore condoned). The victims numbered in the hundreds, and almost all were children at the time. The perpetrators number in the dozens, perhaps even the hundreds, and include world and business leaders. What all of this says about our society is worthy of deep reflection.

But our own house in spirituality and religion is far from perfect. The victims of failures of integrity by religious leaders number in the millions. This has been compounded by the repeated failure of those responsible to demand accountability by transgressors. And even when accountability has occurred, the results are often kept confidential allowing the perpetrators to relocate and offend again. Such violations of trust drive people from spiritual communities.

“As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can’t see how it is.”
~ Ram Dass

We in spiritual communities and organizations have an interest in thinking of ourselves as good people, and we have an interest in being spiritual, which often means to be “nice,” no matter what. I have seen spiritual leaders who were toxic (LINK) protected by congregants, boards, and organizations. This was done for reasons including personal loyalty, a desire not to have a scandal revealed, or a sense that accusations must be proven beyond a doubt.

We in New Thought are nice people as a rule. We tend to think that we live in a friendly, even moral, universe and that people are basically good. We often pay a severe price for these beliefs.

“The opposite of reflexive niceness is integrity.”
~ James Hollis, Jungian analyst

Let’s look at these beliefs:

Our universe is not friendly or moral. It is evolutionary and amoral. We exist in our current forms because of violent collisions of planets, stars, and galaxies which allowed more complex elements to be formed and spread over wide distances. We exist in our current forms because of biological evolution, whose processes toward greater complexity and adaptation have resulted in the extinction of over 99% of all the species which have existed on earth. And we know that we are a transitional species, just as all others are; we will either evolve to more complex and well-adapted beings or become extinct as an evolutionary dead-end. Evolution is careless of the individual and of the species by nature.

Morality does not appear in our universe except as a human invention. Other species may and do cooperate, but they do so as a survival mechanism. Humans are capable of moral thought and actions, but it is something which must be learned and reinforced in the social structures around us. It too, is an evolutionary adaptation.

People have the capacity to be good and moral, but any number of things can limit that capacity, sometimes severely. We know scientifically that psychopaths have little or no ability for moral action or regret due to brain injuries, often occurring when in childhood. Research has shown that most psychopaths and sociopaths are incapable of regaining a sense of morality through any known treatments.

Of course, everyone who commits a violation of integrity does not have a physical condition limiting their capacity. In most cases, people simply decide to act out of integrity, usually by using rationalization. Everyone has done something out of integrity; most of us just about every day in some minor or significant way. It is important to remember that such actions are the result of a divided self, a self which is not integral.

Spiritual study and practices are in large part about realizing one’s wholeness, one’s integrity. To be in integrity means to be in your deepest truth. As that truth is realized more and more, it means to refuse to participate in behaviors which are out of integrity. It also means to speak out for integrity and justice and love in every community to which one belongs.

The Beloved Community does not tolerate behaviors which are out of integrity. Therefore, it requires people who are compassionate to fulfill their potential. We cannot be truly compassionate if we are out of integrity in our own lives; our communities cannot be compassionate if members are silent or complicit in behaviors which are out of integrity.

Our spiritual gurus know this yet often fail. We know this yet often fail. Our compassion is the only thing that can lead us to the realization of our true spiritual potential.

“Contradictions, whether personal or social, that could once remain hidden are coming unstoppably to light. It is getting harder to uphold a divided self….The trend toward transparency that is happening on the systems level is also happening in our personal relationships and within ourselves. Invisible inconsistencies, hiding, pretense, and self-deception show themselves as the light of attention turns inward….The exposure and clearing of hidden contradictions brings us to a higher degree of integrity, and frees up prodigious amounts of energy that had been consumed in the maintenance of illusions. What will our society be capable of, when we are no longer wallowing in pretense?”
~ Charles Eisenstein

Copyright 2025 – Jim Lockard

HEALING THE MASCULINE CONSCIOUSNESS, PART 3

“As an adult, you must rediscover the moving power of your life. Tension, a lack of honesty, and a sense of unreality come from following the wrong force in your life.”

~ Joseph Campbell

In Part 1 of this series (LINK), I addressed the problem of wounded male consciousness in our culture and in Part 2 (LINK), I shared a bit about my own journey. Let’s continue that conversation here, focusing on the role of shadow in this pervasive issue of masculine wounding.

Tangled up in the inner relationships each of us has with our inner masculine (Animus) and feminine (Anima) energies, is the shadow-self, the aspects of ourselves which we have denied and repressed because we perceived that they were not acceptable. All people have these inner aspects, and in our culture, it is usual for boys to be taught to deny their Anima and for girls to be taught to deny their Animus. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they are few; and we are learning to see gender more as a continuum than as two separate poles of man and woman.

 

This series is about healing masculine consciousness, and the most prevalent aspect of that consciousness which needs to be healed is among men. This is both because men have most of the power in our culture and because this power is based upon a long history, or patriarchy which has oppressed significant portions of the population and continues to do so. At the personal level, it is about men learning to express their feelings honestly and bringing compassion forward as both a desirable and achievable way of being and expressing for men and to men. It is often a misunderstanding of power, love, fear, and compassion which is taught from one generation to the next which not only perpetuates the pain but prevents its healing.

“knowing your power is what creates humility. not knowing your power is what creates insecurity.”

~ nayyirah waheed

When we are insecure about our power, we become dysfunctional. This can take many forms, from withdrawal to violent intimidation to self-harm. Since we tend to drive self-love and compassion out of our boys, denying them the full range of emotional expression, the effects of this shadow run deeply and powerfully in our society. Men become dangerous and/or ineffectual, aggressive and/or depressive, unavailable emotionally, and unable to express humility or vulnerability. This takes a great toll on men, and also on women and everyone who does not reside on far male end of the gender continuum. It is all repressed energies or shadow, and it needs to be revealed and healed.

“Work on your shadow stuff or your shadow stuff will work on you.”

~ Steven Forrest

 

“The persona aims at perfection. The shadow reminds us we are human.”

~ Daryl Sharp

But this can be dangerous work. Shadow and its attendant processes, projection and denial, are all unconscious, and strongly resist being brought to awareness. Much of the western male persona, the rugged individual, strong and stoic, unfeeling except in victory, withdrawn, competitive, status-seeking, and warrior-like is actually a series of defense mechanisms to keep the shadow self hidden. Since most of our shadow is developed in childhood and the local and general communities are complicit in seeing this repression as valuable, we are not even aware that we have a shadow. Even less do we know its contents. Until we begin to recognize our shadow selves, we cannot begin the process of healing, a process which is always difficult and requires support from others in most cases.

“Human consciousness does not emerge at any depth except through struggling with your shadow. I wish someone had told me that when I was young. It is in facing your conflicts, criticisms, and contradictions that you grow up. You actually need to have some problems, enemies, and faults! You will remain largely unconscious as a human being until issues come into your life that you cannot fix or control and something challenges you at your present level of development, forcing you to expand and deepen. It is in the struggle with our shadow self, with failure, or with wounding, that we break into higher levels of consciousness. I doubt whether there is any other way. People who refine this consciousness to a high spiritual state, who learn to name and live with paradoxes, are the people I would call prophetic speakers. We must refine and develop this gift.”

~ Richard Rohr

Photo Credit: Evan Benz

The masculine energy within us is romantic – it is the initiator energy, the ascendant yearning for fulfillment and experience. The feminine energy is grounded and creative – it is a receptive energy, the horizontal yearning for home and connection. We are all born with these full capacities, and our parents and society go to work to see that we only express one or the other, when human fulfillment requires a balance of both. Very few people in our culture are raised to express a balance of these energies. An absence of seeing the value in such a balance leads to dysfunction in everything from our sexuality (regardless of sexual orientation, a lack of balance will result in sexual dysfunction of one kind or another) to family life to work life to our spirituality. The expression in all of these areas can be atrophied, reckless, or deadly. Unless the shadow issues are revealed, healed, and integrated into a healthy adult consciousness, we are walking wounded – incompletely realized versions of our true selves.

“Man, coming from Unity, is both male and female, and has, within himself, both attributes of reality. In some the male predominates; in others the female. We have two distinct types in man and woman; but they are types of one fundamental principle. There is also an intermediate sex; that is, one in which the two attributes seem to be almost equally balanced. The greatest men and women of the ages have belonged to this type, for it is a more complete balance between the two which are really one.”

~ Ernest Holmes,

The Science of Mind, 1926 Edition (LINK from CSL Asheville)

Aside from it being interesting that the quote above was not included in later editions of the Science of Mind text, the insight expressed by Ernest Holmes here is striking, given the time when it was written. At that point, Jungian psychology was emerging and exploring Anima and Animus, but very few outside the Jungian community in Europe were talking about the value of such a balance of masculine and feminine.

A dear friend of mine who is a gay man told me that when he was a boy and his father took him to the toy store, he wanted to go look at the baby dolls, and his dad wanted him to look at the toys for boys. But his dad let him look at the baby dolls and buy them and essentially made it okay for my friend to be himself in that regard. How rare of a story is this? I was and am heterosexual in my orientation, and my dad and mom (mostly dad – see Part 2 LINK) made sure that I made the “correct” masculine choices. I am actually not sure if that would have been my preference at the time again, the conditioning came so early and was so thorough. And it was supported by the larger community and society – it still is, although change is happening.

What would happen if a parent took their child to a toy store where toys were mixed and not shelved by gender expectations and let the children make their own choices? The answer, whatever it might be individually, would be that children would be freer to express according to their true natures. What we have had up until now is a cultural system designed to rigidly enforce cultural norms of gender identity, one which is deeply ingrained into our unconscious. And, children have no choice but to try and repress aspects of themselves which do not fit in, building shadow-selves which continue to unconsciously act upon them in destructive ways unless they are revealed and healed.

This has a lot to do with why “coming out” as one’s true self is so difficult in our culture – we have to battle our own internal shadows as well as the larger shadows of the culture around us. When I am being more authentic than you are being, the nature of your shadow is to try to repress me if you have the power, so that you will be able to remain comfortable in your own lack of authenticity. It is an automatic response, which we see in ourselves, in parents, coaches, bosses, politicians, etc. It is in everyone as long as that particular aspect is repressed. And, we will keep getting the same results as long as they are rewarded.

Men in our culture carry the burden of needing to be strong and unemotional in the face of all this repression – in fact, they often become its enforcers (as to women in a different way). Here are some of the effects:

In 2018 the American Psychological Association published – the APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men.

The first report of its kind, the collected research found that quote “traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful”

Written over 13 years and based on 40 years of compiled research – The report lays out some striking mental and physical health disparities between men and women.

Men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide.

And men die from heart disease and cancer — at rates 50% and 80% higher, than women.

(LINK)

Add to this list the huge toll of crimes and violence toward women and children by men, and you have a striking pattern of dysfunction across much of Western society. There is simply no getting around it – wounded people wound themselves and other people. Look at the wounded males in top positions in government, business, education, etc. What we so often see are men who are overcompensating for their shadow selves and sense of inadequacy by seeking power, fortune, and fame – and there is never enough to fill the gaping hole within left by the repression of essential elements of who they really are.

We must heal ourselves before we can properly redesign how we raise our children. This must be a collective effort, beginning with awareness (the #MeToo Movement is an example), however, when there is anger rather than compassion in the awareness process, it can actually have a negative effect on the healing process. Many men today, in response to the groundswell of authentic pain from women are retreating and closing off rather than confronting their own pain and dysfunction. Like an alcoholic is addicted to booze, most men are addicted to the prevailing cultural view of manhood, and their shadow responds to the threat of being revealed by either lashing out or withdrawing. These deeply rooted cultural biases will not simply be shed by telling someone that he (or she) is wrong. A wounded person, when feeling cornered, will not simply acquiesce.

“By and large, the shadow is a hodge-podge of repressed desires and uncivilized impulses. It is possible to become conscious of these, but in the meantime, they are projected onto others. Just as a man may mistake a real woman for the soulmate he yearns for, so he will see his devils, his shadow, in other men. This is responsible for much acrimony in personal relationships. On a collective level it gives rise to political parties, war and the practice of scapegoating.”

~ Daryl Sharp, Jungian analyst, The Survival Papers, p. 82

Our great challenge is to facilitate the healing of the wounded masculine consciousness individually and collectively. This will require the efforts of everyone across the gender spectrum. We are all in need of healing and we all contribute to the collective consciousness of our culture. The anger of those repressed by the patriarchal cultures of western civilization, while justified, will not alone facilitate healing. It must be transmuted into compassion – meaning that it is firmly expressed and dedicated to find a way to reach those in need of healing.

Healing the shadow means to reintegrate the repressed aspects of self into a healthy psyche which has access to the positive aspects of what was repressed. When a man represses his feminine side, he represses his ability to receive, to be creative, to be compassionate, to nurture himself and others. When integrated, the feminine aspect lets a man relax into finding fulfillment in connection and love as opposed to competition and the accumulation of wealth and status. Jung called this process of integration individuation.

“The soft flakes of healing are falling all around you all the time, even on your shadow.”
~ Emma Curtis Hopkins

In Part 4 of this series, I will address how we can facilitate this healing in our spiritual communities. As always, your comments are appreciated in the comments section below. Please share this blog with others who may be interested.

Copyright 2019 – Jim Lockard

 

My book – available at Amazon in North America and Europe

– coming soon in Spanish!