ON THE MONARCHY, THE LORD’S PRAYER, THE OLD SONGS, AND OTHER ANACHRONISMS

ANACHRONISM: a thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists, especially a thing that is conspicuously old-fashioned.

“I have spent most of my career pointing out the dangers of imagining a Golden Age in the past that we should try to recapture. Nostalgia offers a warped explanation of what actually did work in the past and airbrushes out what did not. It leads to the scapegoating of those who supposedly ruined ‘the good old days’ while providing no tools for coping with the new realities that underlie contemporary challenges. That said, nostalgia often arises out of a real experience of loss. It needs to be addressed and redirected, not ridiculed or denounced.”
~ Stephanie Koontz

The death of Queen Elizabeth II has represented many things in many ways to many different people. This has ranged from deep sadness for the person, truly a mega-celebrity in the western world and beyond to anger that people are mourning not only a symbol of colonialism and oppression, but someone who directly participated in such oppression during her reign.

And there are the arguments about the continued existence of the monarchy itself. From a Spiral Dynamics (LINK) view, monarchies along with dictatorships are the governing mechanism of the Traditionalist-Blue Values System, which is no longer dominant in most of Europe. The monarchies which still exist, in Great Britain, Belgium, Sweden, Denmark and a few other countries (43 worldwide!!) are vestiges of a past which no longer exists. These countries are today functioning democracies of the parliamentary type, the monarchs now largely ceremonial with a few formal duties. This is very different from the absolute rulership held by monarchs when Blue values dominated.

Democracy is the preferred governing mechanism of the Modernist-Orange Values System, the dominant system in the west today. At the Postmodernist-Green level, consensus is valued, but there are currently no nations using such a system. As the Green system continues to emerge that will likely change at some point.

With newly emerged and evolving systems now prevalent over the Blue system, it can be said that the monarchical system of rulership is an anachronism wherever the society is centered at Orange or above on the spiral. The problem with anachronisms is that they inhibit progress toward higher level systems by their very existence – even if only ceremonial. We can see the attachment to the current anachronistic monarchy of Great Britain in the millions, if not billions who are captivated not only by this funeral, but also by all things monarchical. Taking that away would give more meaning to the parliamentary system over governance and free up quite a bit of revenue for the British people, but it would be fought tooth and nail by a sizeable portion of the population, just as all progress is.

“We are entering the long dark. I use that term not negatively at all. I use it alchemically, that certain things can only happen in darkness. We are in a time of decay, a time of collapse, a time of endings, a time of sheddings. These are necessary. 
“We are seeing this last gasp effort to try to uphold the old structures. Keep capitalism going. Keep the stock market inflated. They’re all going to collapse. They have to, because the system, as you know from your work, is unsustainable. Not only in terms of world resources, but just in terms of human capacity to endure that kind of emptiness.
“The collapse is happening. I think what we have to do right now is ask ourselves and each other how do we become skillful in navigating our walk in the dark? How do we cultivate imagination? How do we cultivate collaboration? How do we cultivate fields of reciprocity with the Earth, within human and more-than-human communities, so that we’re not extracting more than what can be replenished? How do we cultivate the spiritual values of restraint and mutuality?”
~ Francis Weller

A few years ago, a minister of a rather large New Thought community told me that he wanted to update the Sunday order of service and that included removing the traditional weekly recitation of The Lord’s Prayer. As you can imagine, this was greeted with outrage (yes, outrage) by some of the members. So, he put it back in. He removed in a couple of more times over the next few years before it was acceptable to remove it permanently.

I have seen, and participated in, such instances of upset over the proposed or actual removal of an anachronism or tradition. It might be changing the music or the music director, remodeling the space, or re-striping the parking lot (I have a story about that). People get attached to what is and often don’t like things to change unless it is their idea.

Evolutionary times call for evolutionary leadership. That means leadership which helps to make change, even transformational change, to be seen as a part of the basic values system of the community. When change is seen as not just inevitable but as desirable, people respond more positively.

Letting go of things we are comfortable with is difficult. It is also a challenge to identify what may be holding us back and what may be helpful to our continuing forward. This is the essence of managing change, which itself is an inadequate term for change is often unmanageable. Evolution doesn’t care what we cherish, it is going forward with or without us. Where evolutionary forces are involved, it is true that you either change or perish.

My suggestion is this: Principles are sacred, Forms are expendable. The minister referenced above showed another principle of dealing with change – no decision is final. He removed and replaced the Lord’s Prayer several times to allow the members to get used to the change. Sometimes that is the wise course, sometimes the change needs to be made right away. But when there is fluidity in the decision-making process, we are less rigid. We must help those who are resistant to make the changes which we are all called upon to make.

These are turbulent times where old ways are fading away and new ways are emerging at a rapid pace. The cost of holding onto the old ways is high and getting more and more costly. Spiritual leaders and others must recognize that ministries must change in order to remain relevant, and in some cases to gain back lost relevance. Where I live in France, churches themselves are anachronisms – less than 1% of the population attends regularly and the buildings which are not supported by tourist donations are being sold or razed. The same is true though much of Europe. Attendance is dropping in North America, hastened by the Pandemic, but it would have happened anyway. The evolutionary imperative toward emerging newness is relentless and fighting against it is frustrating at best, fatal at worst.

We begin by recognizing and accepting what is happening. Then we turn our creative energies toward creating the new future. We learn to honor the past without letting it become an obstacle to necessary progress. That is the calling for the evolutionary leadership of today. More to come on this in future posts.

“I thought that my voyage had come to its end at the last limit of my power–the path before me was closed, that provisions were exhausted and the time came to take shelter in a silent obscurity.
But I find that thy will knows no end in me. And when old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders.”
~ Rabindranath Tagore

Copyright 2022 – Jim Lockard

ROOT CAUSE: HEALING THE MASCULINE CONSCIOUSNESS, PART 5

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

~ Frederick Douglass

In Parts 1 (LINK), 2 (LINK), 3 (LINK), and 4 (LINK) I covered a number of aspects of what makes up the wounded masculine and how it shows up in individuals and societies. In this final part, I will attempt to describe healthy masculine energy and how it can form a balance with the healthy feminine in people.

Without such a balance, we are incomplete in our ability to express authentically in life. As noted earlier, in our culture boys tend to be raised so as to minimize or eliminate feminine tendencies; girls tend to be raised so as to minimize masculine tendencies. Here is some typical advertising, some modern, some from my earlier years:

Children generally have to fight their parents and others when the energies of expression opposite their appearance is strong. The terms “tomboy” and “sissy” are still used to describe such children. For most children, the process is one of accepting the signals from parents (who are watching carefully for deviation from the gender norms) and society and repressing the opposite energy. The results are often wounded people who lack inner balance and express incompletely and, too often, harmfully in society. The entertainment media provides a great imbalance in male role models.

So, what does healthy masculine energy look like? First of all, I think that healthy masculine energy is filled with wonder and curiosity.

The masculine qualities include initiation, protection, adventure, warriorship, cleverness, and exploration. The feminine qualities include creativity, ferocity (think of a mother protecting her children), homemaking/nesting, perpetuating the stories of the tribe, nurturing, and wisdom. When in balance, these qualities compliment one another in an individual. When one set of qualities has been repressed, the person will seek completion by developing defenses and compensatory behaviors – think “macho man” and the “sex symbol.” The masculine or feminine qualities operate without balance or restraint, leading to dysfunction in life.

The healthy masculine energy when balanced with healthy feminine energy has an expanded capacity for both creativity and compassion. Yet, this person can also be a wise warrior – the healthy masculine is tough when necessary, but also capable of expressing great gentleness, and not afraid of either. If a man, he is able to express emotions, be vulnerable, but also be assertive when appropriate. He is capable of great intimacy with lovers and friends as well. If a woman, she is able to assert her power as a creative individual and collaborate effectively with others.

The balance of healthy masculine and feminine energies also increases the likelihood that the person will have higher emotional and spiritual intelligence. This means that he or she has dominion over emotions and can remain in control in very stressful situations. It means that he or she is not easily knocked off balance by others; they have fewer “buttons to push.” This also means a greater openness to self-examination, especially for men, who are often reticent to explore within themselves. Note the percentage of men and women in New Thought spiritual communities or in therapy.

Healthy masculine energy does not repress feminine energy, and it has a positive inner relationship with the Anima, or inner female. Therefore, men with a healthy balance of energies do not abuse women, nor see them as less than human, nor as sex objects. They do not seek women as sexual conquests, but as partners in relationship. They are comfortable working with women and having women as supervisors.

There are, of course, divine aspects of the masculine and feminine; ideal forms of these energies which are available to each of us to actualize. But this is difficult when we have been conditioned to be out of balance in these energies.

It is incumbent upon all of us to search within and really feel into our Anima and Animus energies. To seek therapy where appropriate, to find groups in which to explore these energies safely, and to be very conscious of how we address these energies in one another – especially in our children. We need to honor all forms of gender expression as an important step to accepting the reality that our masculine and feminine energies do not necessarily honor our gender appearance. And the truth is that most of us have been conditioned to repress one or the other energies in favor of a socially acceptable expression of gender. Changing our expectations in this regard is a healthy way forward.

Finally, we must come to terms with the reality that many people are simply not going to be willing to take the necessary steps to recognize and honor full human authenticity. So be it. That must not stop those with the awareness of the need to do so from developing these capacities and expressing them. While this can be dangerous, and one must take precautions, it is more dangerous to repress who we are.

“Never for the sake of convenience or acceptance give up the authenticity of your journey.”

~ Bishop Yvette Flunder

Finally, healing wounded masculinity is both a huge challenge and a necessity for individuals and for all of humanity alike. It is a Hero’s Journey we all must take, as it is the root of so many of our challenges and also of our greatest potentials.

And for the last word:

“As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don’t bother to brush it off.
Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance.
Having a sense of humor saves you.”

~ Joseph Campbell

As always, your comments are welcomed. For those who have persevered through this series, I thank you. Please feel free to share with others who may be interested.

 

Copyright 2019 – Jim Lockard

 

My Companion in blogging about things New Thought, Harv Bishop, has published an anthology of materials from his HarvBishop.com Blog. It is titled NEW THOUGHT (R)EVOLUTIONARY, and there is an interview of me in the book. You can find it at Amazon.com. Check it out.

ROOT CAUSE: HEALING THE MASCULINE CONSCIOUSNESS, PART 4

“Culture that celebrates the cunning and cleverness of people who win at being predators shouldn’t be surprised they occupy pinnacle positions. Justifying exploitation as normal or necessary was a dead-end game. The future is in the integrity of recognizing interdependence.”

~ Nora Bateson (Twitter)

 

“The experience of the feminine is the psychological key to both the sickness of our time and its healing.”

~ Marion Woodman, Jungian analyst

In Parts 1 (LINK), 2 (LINK), and 3 (LINK) of this series, we have explored a number of aspects of the wounded masculine consciousness. In this post, we will sum up and offer some prescriptive ideas which may lead to healing at the individual and societal level. The dance of masculine and feminine underlies everything in human existence – it is essential to the creative process and to being fulfilled as a human being. This has been known for a long time – and in modernity, we have forgotten many of the basic truths of our nature.

“The I Ching, the Chinese Book of Changes, recognizes the continual shifts that go on within the individual. The Yang power, the creative masculine, moves ahead with steadfast perseverance toward a goal until it becomes too strong, begins to break – and then the Yin, the receptive feminine, enters from below and gradually moves toward the top. Life is a continual attempt to balance these two forces. With growing maturity, the individual is able to avoid the extreme of either polarity, so that the pendulum does not gain too much momentum by swinging too far to the right only to come crashing back to the left in a relentless cycle of action and reaction, inflation and depression. Rather one recognizes that these poles are the domain of the gods, the extremes of black and white. To identify with one or the other can only lead to plunging into its opposite. The ratio is cruelly exact. The further I move into the white radiance on one side, the blacker the energy that is unconsciously constellating behind my back: the more I force myself to perfect my ideal image of myself, the more overflowing toilet bowls I’m going to have in my dreams.”

~ Marion Woodman, Addiction to Perfection, pp. 14-15

 

As noted previously, we tend to raise our children according to firm gender roles and expectations, many of which are so culturally ingrained into us that we are blind to them. As a result, we are conditioned to repress the masculine or feminine energy according to our outer gender appearance by our parents and by society at large. This leads to those “overflowing toilet bowls,” not only in our dreams, but in the society we have created and in the individual lives we lead.

Nothing in this series should be interpreted as a denigration of either “toughness” or warriorship in men or in women. The defense of what is valuable is healthy, and that is what warriors do. What is destructive is aggression and a sense of macho bravado that has nothing to do with defending what is valuable but is about defending one’s insecurity and inauthenticity. Such energy has done damage to countless human lives and to cultures over the years. That is what needs to be healed. The mature spiritual warrior comes to realize that the important battles are all within.

“We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That is impossible. We can’t do that. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them. That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there, we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it and practice meditation with it.”

~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

There is no single answer as to how to heal the woundedness of the masculine consciousness, nor the wounding to the feminine consciousness which has been a result of the masculine wounding. A beginning step is an awareness of the existence of the wounding – something that some are aware of (some men and probably most women), but not enough to forge meaningful cultural changes to how we parent and teach our children about the masculine and feminine energies.

“Men have been taught to sacrifice their hearts and their lives for the forward movement of civilization. And we have collectively been taught to assume men will not be affected by what the male role requires of them. . .. The definition of a man is to put duty ahead of emotional fulfillment.”

~ Linda Marks, Narcissism And The Male Heart Wound (LINK)

The way these creative energies have been viewed during the development of patriarchal culture over several thousand years has resulted in deeply ingrained biases in almost everyone about gender roles and expectations. “Coming out” is the act of stating that who I am is not within the rigid boundaries of what is culturally accepted as male and female gender roles, or as masculine and feminine consciousness within an individual. The fact that one has to “come out” at all is proof that these rigid beliefs exist, as do the structures and practices which arise from them; and that they reinforce one another. The cultural norms which have resulted in and from patriarchy are seen as a clear path to power, just as much today as two thousand years ago.

“We need to note that patriarchy and masculinity are not synonymous. Female patriarchs can be just as domineering as males. Like their male counterparts, they live in a patriarchal ethos that operates through control over others, over themselves, over nature.”

~ Marion Woodman

“The consequence of the patriarchal male’s haughtiness toward women leads to the inability to make any genuine contact with the Feminine (Anima), i.e., not only in a real woman but also with the Feminine in himself, the unconscious.”

~ Erich Neumann

“Women are taught that they aren’t allowed to be angry, that it’s aggressive, ugly, always unwarranted; so we cry when we’re mad, and we are mocked, diminished, dismissed. There is never a safe way for women to feel rage, yet even in silence we are blamed for saying nothing.”

~ @emrazz on Twitter

Coming to terms with one’s position in the Patriarchy.

The Women’s Movement, the Civil Rights Movement, and the LGBTQA Movements have unfolded within a patriarchal context, often seeking goals similar to those who operate within the accepted frameworks of the patriarchy. The desire for equal employment, equal pay, and for marriage equality, speak to the desire to be allowed to enjoy rights of the while male class which has been atop the patriarchy for centuries. The initial phases of movements by oppressed peoples have, of course, be to gain rights relating to civic and economic life. These are essential rights within a society, but they do not necessarily address the deeper healing which needs to occur.

For a true healing of masculine consciousness to occur, we must go deeper. While laws may govern behaviors, they do not govern beliefs. The continuing efforts to repeal laws of every kind which have been passed in the last 50 years to protect those who have been oppressed show that beliefs have not changed as much as we might wish. The negative reaction among white people to conversations about reparations for slavery is another example. It is not unlike speaking to an active addict about their addiction; the ego-self will lash out, so strong is the denial. We are dealing with largely unconscious accepted biases and beliefs.

Healing begins with an awareness of the issue to be healed, then one must see the value in pursuing any healing process, then one must follow that process. The dynamics for individuals and cultures are somewhat different, because cultures will have a mixture of people at different stages of and openness to the healing process. Until there is sufficient conscious awareness of the problem and its nature, perhaps from a deep loss or trauma, healing will not be undertaken. Shadow integration is a difficult and painful type of healing, requiring a willingness to reveal very uncomfortable truths. The ego structure will resist any approach which threatens to reveal the deeper issues which it is working to deny. Remember, denial is an unconscious process, shadow is unconscious, and the ego seeks to keep them that way.

“Any serious spiritual work brings up the shadow, the rejected parts of your own psyche, which have to be faced and accepted. It’s the process of inner purification. Other spiritual paths may focus on purification through diet or yoga or good living or correcting bad habits. Our particular Sufi path has a very strong psychological element, and the purification is analogous to Jung’s ‘shadow work’ in which the rejected parts of one’s psyche come to the surface to be confronted, loved and accepted. This begins the process of transformation. As Jung said, ‘One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.’ Then he humorously added, ‘The latter process, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.’”

~ Llewellyn Vaughan Lee

Healing can be facilitated in a number of ways. One is by participation in men’s groups (LINK) focused on healing, in the recovery movement (AA, NA, GA, etc.), in therapy, and in spiritual communities where there is a psychological element (as noted in Lee’s quote above). It can also be done alone, but this is the most difficult path, as the ego will resist the kind of deep examination and revelation necessary for true shadow work. It is important to work with someone who has done their own shadow work successfully (which does not mean they have no shadow; it means they have resolved most of the major areas of repression). Things will come into conscious awareness which are difficult to deal with and must be managed in a healthy way.

Starting points might be the books of Robert A. Johnson (LINK), a Jungian therapist with a deep understanding of symbolism and mythology. Also, the work of James Hollis (LINK), another Jungian who writes clearly about these issues. The poetry of Robert Bly (LINK), Coleman Barks (LINK), and David Whyte (LINK) can be a way to reach into one’s symbolic, mythological, and archetypal self. Debbie Ford’s classic book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers” (LINK) is a great primer to the shadow and shadow work.

In our New Thought spiritual communities, we need to take an approach that we are all works in progress, the products of patriarchal culture with conscious and unconscious biases which limit our ability to be authentically masculine or feminine. The healing practices of affirmative prayer and meditation are wonderful and to be encouraged, however, we must recognize that they can also be used as spiritual bypass when deep and uncomfortable issues are not explored.

There is no more important spiritual work than shadow work. Revealing one’s true self is paramount in moving toward a deep realization of spirit within. The path to the realization of spirit is within yourself; shadow block the path of realization. There are trials involved in this deep work; it is a true hero’s journey (LINK). And it requires a willingness to be uncomfortable, which can be difficult in spiritual communities where everyone appearing to be happy and satisfied is valued (and enforced).

It is time to stop dancing around the edges of spiritual awakening. It is time to dive into the painful waters of radical self-exploration and radical truth-telling in a community where compassion forms the essence of co-existence. It is time.

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

~ Ram Dass

In Part 5 of this blog, I will describe to the best of my ability what a healthy masculine expression might look like. I recognize the possible varieties of expression are endless, however, the essential elements would be consistent.

I am deeply appreciative of the responses to this blog series thus far. As always, your comments are appreciated in the comments section below. Please share this blog with others who may be interested.

Copyright 2019 – Jim Lockard

 

HEALING THE MASCULINE CONSCIOUSNESS, PART 3

“As an adult, you must rediscover the moving power of your life. Tension, a lack of honesty, and a sense of unreality come from following the wrong force in your life.”

~ Joseph Campbell

In Part 1 of this series (LINK), I addressed the problem of wounded male consciousness in our culture and in Part 2 (LINK), I shared a bit about my own journey. Let’s continue that conversation here, focusing on the role of shadow in this pervasive issue of masculine wounding.

Tangled up in the inner relationships each of us has with our inner masculine (Animus) and feminine (Anima) energies, is the shadow-self, the aspects of ourselves which we have denied and repressed because we perceived that they were not acceptable. All people have these inner aspects, and in our culture, it is usual for boys to be taught to deny their Anima and for girls to be taught to deny their Animus. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they are few; and we are learning to see gender more as a continuum than as two separate poles of man and woman.

 

This series is about healing masculine consciousness, and the most prevalent aspect of that consciousness which needs to be healed is among men. This is both because men have most of the power in our culture and because this power is based upon a long history, or patriarchy which has oppressed significant portions of the population and continues to do so. At the personal level, it is about men learning to express their feelings honestly and bringing compassion forward as both a desirable and achievable way of being and expressing for men and to men. It is often a misunderstanding of power, love, fear, and compassion which is taught from one generation to the next which not only perpetuates the pain but prevents its healing.

“knowing your power is what creates humility. not knowing your power is what creates insecurity.”

~ nayyirah waheed

When we are insecure about our power, we become dysfunctional. This can take many forms, from withdrawal to violent intimidation to self-harm. Since we tend to drive self-love and compassion out of our boys, denying them the full range of emotional expression, the effects of this shadow run deeply and powerfully in our society. Men become dangerous and/or ineffectual, aggressive and/or depressive, unavailable emotionally, and unable to express humility or vulnerability. This takes a great toll on men, and also on women and everyone who does not reside on far male end of the gender continuum. It is all repressed energies or shadow, and it needs to be revealed and healed.

“Work on your shadow stuff or your shadow stuff will work on you.”

~ Steven Forrest

 

“The persona aims at perfection. The shadow reminds us we are human.”

~ Daryl Sharp

But this can be dangerous work. Shadow and its attendant processes, projection and denial, are all unconscious, and strongly resist being brought to awareness. Much of the western male persona, the rugged individual, strong and stoic, unfeeling except in victory, withdrawn, competitive, status-seeking, and warrior-like is actually a series of defense mechanisms to keep the shadow self hidden. Since most of our shadow is developed in childhood and the local and general communities are complicit in seeing this repression as valuable, we are not even aware that we have a shadow. Even less do we know its contents. Until we begin to recognize our shadow selves, we cannot begin the process of healing, a process which is always difficult and requires support from others in most cases.

“Human consciousness does not emerge at any depth except through struggling with your shadow. I wish someone had told me that when I was young. It is in facing your conflicts, criticisms, and contradictions that you grow up. You actually need to have some problems, enemies, and faults! You will remain largely unconscious as a human being until issues come into your life that you cannot fix or control and something challenges you at your present level of development, forcing you to expand and deepen. It is in the struggle with our shadow self, with failure, or with wounding, that we break into higher levels of consciousness. I doubt whether there is any other way. People who refine this consciousness to a high spiritual state, who learn to name and live with paradoxes, are the people I would call prophetic speakers. We must refine and develop this gift.”

~ Richard Rohr

Photo Credit: Evan Benz

The masculine energy within us is romantic – it is the initiator energy, the ascendant yearning for fulfillment and experience. The feminine energy is grounded and creative – it is a receptive energy, the horizontal yearning for home and connection. We are all born with these full capacities, and our parents and society go to work to see that we only express one or the other, when human fulfillment requires a balance of both. Very few people in our culture are raised to express a balance of these energies. An absence of seeing the value in such a balance leads to dysfunction in everything from our sexuality (regardless of sexual orientation, a lack of balance will result in sexual dysfunction of one kind or another) to family life to work life to our spirituality. The expression in all of these areas can be atrophied, reckless, or deadly. Unless the shadow issues are revealed, healed, and integrated into a healthy adult consciousness, we are walking wounded – incompletely realized versions of our true selves.

“Man, coming from Unity, is both male and female, and has, within himself, both attributes of reality. In some the male predominates; in others the female. We have two distinct types in man and woman; but they are types of one fundamental principle. There is also an intermediate sex; that is, one in which the two attributes seem to be almost equally balanced. The greatest men and women of the ages have belonged to this type, for it is a more complete balance between the two which are really one.”

~ Ernest Holmes,

The Science of Mind, 1926 Edition (LINK from CSL Asheville)

Aside from it being interesting that the quote above was not included in later editions of the Science of Mind text, the insight expressed by Ernest Holmes here is striking, given the time when it was written. At that point, Jungian psychology was emerging and exploring Anima and Animus, but very few outside the Jungian community in Europe were talking about the value of such a balance of masculine and feminine.

A dear friend of mine who is a gay man told me that when he was a boy and his father took him to the toy store, he wanted to go look at the baby dolls, and his dad wanted him to look at the toys for boys. But his dad let him look at the baby dolls and buy them and essentially made it okay for my friend to be himself in that regard. How rare of a story is this? I was and am heterosexual in my orientation, and my dad and mom (mostly dad – see Part 2 LINK) made sure that I made the “correct” masculine choices. I am actually not sure if that would have been my preference at the time again, the conditioning came so early and was so thorough. And it was supported by the larger community and society – it still is, although change is happening.

What would happen if a parent took their child to a toy store where toys were mixed and not shelved by gender expectations and let the children make their own choices? The answer, whatever it might be individually, would be that children would be freer to express according to their true natures. What we have had up until now is a cultural system designed to rigidly enforce cultural norms of gender identity, one which is deeply ingrained into our unconscious. And, children have no choice but to try and repress aspects of themselves which do not fit in, building shadow-selves which continue to unconsciously act upon them in destructive ways unless they are revealed and healed.

This has a lot to do with why “coming out” as one’s true self is so difficult in our culture – we have to battle our own internal shadows as well as the larger shadows of the culture around us. When I am being more authentic than you are being, the nature of your shadow is to try to repress me if you have the power, so that you will be able to remain comfortable in your own lack of authenticity. It is an automatic response, which we see in ourselves, in parents, coaches, bosses, politicians, etc. It is in everyone as long as that particular aspect is repressed. And, we will keep getting the same results as long as they are rewarded.

Men in our culture carry the burden of needing to be strong and unemotional in the face of all this repression – in fact, they often become its enforcers (as to women in a different way). Here are some of the effects:

In 2018 the American Psychological Association published – the APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men.

The first report of its kind, the collected research found that quote “traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful”

Written over 13 years and based on 40 years of compiled research – The report lays out some striking mental and physical health disparities between men and women.

Men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide.

And men die from heart disease and cancer — at rates 50% and 80% higher, than women.

(LINK)

Add to this list the huge toll of crimes and violence toward women and children by men, and you have a striking pattern of dysfunction across much of Western society. There is simply no getting around it – wounded people wound themselves and other people. Look at the wounded males in top positions in government, business, education, etc. What we so often see are men who are overcompensating for their shadow selves and sense of inadequacy by seeking power, fortune, and fame – and there is never enough to fill the gaping hole within left by the repression of essential elements of who they really are.

We must heal ourselves before we can properly redesign how we raise our children. This must be a collective effort, beginning with awareness (the #MeToo Movement is an example), however, when there is anger rather than compassion in the awareness process, it can actually have a negative effect on the healing process. Many men today, in response to the groundswell of authentic pain from women are retreating and closing off rather than confronting their own pain and dysfunction. Like an alcoholic is addicted to booze, most men are addicted to the prevailing cultural view of manhood, and their shadow responds to the threat of being revealed by either lashing out or withdrawing. These deeply rooted cultural biases will not simply be shed by telling someone that he (or she) is wrong. A wounded person, when feeling cornered, will not simply acquiesce.

“By and large, the shadow is a hodge-podge of repressed desires and uncivilized impulses. It is possible to become conscious of these, but in the meantime, they are projected onto others. Just as a man may mistake a real woman for the soulmate he yearns for, so he will see his devils, his shadow, in other men. This is responsible for much acrimony in personal relationships. On a collective level it gives rise to political parties, war and the practice of scapegoating.”

~ Daryl Sharp, Jungian analyst, The Survival Papers, p. 82

Our great challenge is to facilitate the healing of the wounded masculine consciousness individually and collectively. This will require the efforts of everyone across the gender spectrum. We are all in need of healing and we all contribute to the collective consciousness of our culture. The anger of those repressed by the patriarchal cultures of western civilization, while justified, will not alone facilitate healing. It must be transmuted into compassion – meaning that it is firmly expressed and dedicated to find a way to reach those in need of healing.

Healing the shadow means to reintegrate the repressed aspects of self into a healthy psyche which has access to the positive aspects of what was repressed. When a man represses his feminine side, he represses his ability to receive, to be creative, to be compassionate, to nurture himself and others. When integrated, the feminine aspect lets a man relax into finding fulfillment in connection and love as opposed to competition and the accumulation of wealth and status. Jung called this process of integration individuation.

“The soft flakes of healing are falling all around you all the time, even on your shadow.”
~ Emma Curtis Hopkins

In Part 4 of this series, I will address how we can facilitate this healing in our spiritual communities. As always, your comments are appreciated in the comments section below. Please share this blog with others who may be interested.

Copyright 2019 – Jim Lockard

 

My book – available at Amazon in North America and Europe

– coming soon in Spanish!

THE CHALLENGE OF DEVELOPING A MORE DIVERSE & INCLUSIVE SPIRITUAL COMMUNITY, PART 4

“Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

~ Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland

In Parts 1, 2 & 3 (LINK) (LINK) (LINK), I explored the issue of diversity & inclusion in New Thought spiritual communities from society-wide and local spiritual community cultural viewpoints. This final post is about how our individual psychology, if not properly understood, can create unintended barriers to creating successful programs. And no, spiritual communities where there is diversity and inclusion are not impossible – even in the suburbs!

 

There is a concept described by the Spiral Dynamics Model (and in other places) called transcend and include. This means that as we develop to more complex levels of thought and values, we transcend our former levels, but they are included within us. This is true of any developmental perspective of human growth. We are all familiar with the Inner Child concept – where the unresolved issues of our past remain active in our subconscious and cause us to act from that unhealed perspective if not continually, at least from time to time.

“The more ‘enlightened’ we believe ourselves to be, the vaster we discover that which remains unconscious.”

~ James Hollis, Jungian analyst

We have within us the vestiges of thousands of years of humans living in tribes – groups of less than 100 people making their way in the world, some as nomads, some settled in place, but all with a fierce loyalty to the tribe and fear and suspicion of anyone not a part of the tribe. This tribal consciousness, identified as Purple in the Spiral Dynamics Model, is not only part of our collective past, but is also a stage in our individual human development. We have tribal relations with our family, our schools, etc., and this remains true in varying degrees for much of our lives. Spiritual community can bring forth tribal feelings of connections and being unique from other groups. It can unconsciously activate our desire for intimacy, protection, and safety among trusted companions. Centered around a teaching and/or a teacher/leader, spiritual community can carry many aspects of a tribal culture.

This unconscious aspect can act in a variety of ways on individuals, ways that may well result in subtle or not-so-subtle resistance to different people showing up to join the tribe. Even though at a conscious level, we may recognize the value of diversity, our subconscious may resist being truly welcoming and inviting diverse people into the heart of the community.

 

Such a response to diversity, or to the idea of diversity, may not even be at the level of conscious awareness. There may well be a sense of “why aren’t we more diverse?” or “Why don’t others stay around long?” But, if you ask a newcomer who is different from the other members, say someone of color or LGBTQIA, you may be surprised by what they are experiencing. It often takes some deep personal exploration of one’s unconscious patterns – biases and fears – before we allow ourselves to see these repressed aspects. While there are certainly people who are consciously biased and bigoted, it is likely that most of us simply have not done the personal work necessary to dislodge old tribal patterns of thought and therefore harbor impulses and fears which lead to behaviors signaling that we are not open and affirming to those outside of the tribe. When this is the case, we simply do not pay attention to the issue at a deep level, for our repressed aspects tend to control our perception – we don’t see what others see.

This tribal consciousness, combined with a human tendency to accept whatever goes on when we are children as “normal,” has led to an American culture where things such as white privilege can exist for centuries. Our innate biases tend to make us (white people) reject the idea of such a concept when we hear about it (LINK). Accepting that such things are real and are the result of conscious cultural behaviors can be very difficult, but necessary steps in our cultural awakening.

“Stark honesty, however painful, is needed on this journey toward the Self; the unconscious will not tolerate anything less. One must be willing to face many cruel truths, those we keep hidden from the light of day, and those we keep hidden from ourselves.”

~ Marion Woodman

 

 

“The repression of both negative and positive instincts and feelings into the unconscious causes them to inhabit a shadow realm. While ego attempts to continue to censor the shadow impulses-the very pressure that repression causes is rather like a bubble in sidewall of a tire.”

~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés

These quotes strike at the heart of the issue that we face. No matter how willing we say that we are to open our communities to different people, our dominant consciousness will determine our behaviors. Putting up a rainbow flag but not being comfortable about LGBTIA people communicates a mixed message – and a mixed message is not a welcoming message. There is a learning curve across some differences in personal and cultural backgrounds which is much more difficult to traverse if we are bound by unconscious biases and fears.

Ultimately, each person is responsible for their own inner work – its degree, its depth, its sincerity. Certainly, spiritual leaders can and should be encouraging such work – and doing their own work in this regard. The culture of the local spiritual community, as described in Part 3 of this series, can have a significant effect on the personal spiritual and psychological development of its individual members. Is deep personal inquiry actually valued here – or just given lip service – or ignored completely?

Is spiritual leadership aware of the larger macro trends and dynamics affecting all aspects of spiritual community including diversity and inclusion, as described in Part 2 of this series? And if so, how is that awareness being integrated into the local spiritual community’s activities, planning, and ways of being?

And finally, if diversity is present in the community, or if it is a currently unrealized goal of the community, are there concrete ways of including diverse people in the heart of the spiritual community? If not, why not? A good beginning might be a very frank conversation among the community members and leadership about this issue and what may be getting in the way. There are consultants who can assist with this process, and there are programs within the New Thought organizations to provide guidance, support, and assistance.

Transformative change is never a painless process. But clear intentions and people who are doing deep work can work what would otherwise appear to be miracles.

“Only people with petty minds indulge in racial hatreds and distinctions. God’s perfect idea of man is the basis for every living soul, and we must believe this and act as though it were so. When we dislike people and groups, we are bearing witness to our small and limited viewpoints. The people in whom we fail to find good are born of the same Mind, operate under the same Law, and express the same Life as we do. Our inability to see their divine origin is our self-created stumbling block. Often, we are held back by our petty dislikes of other people.”

~ Ernest Holmes, “Guide to Richer Living”

 I have asked Tracy Brown, author of the recently published book, STAINED GLASS SPIRIT (LINK), to be a guest blogger here and to add her inspired thinking to the conversation. Look for that post in the near future.

Copyright 2019 – Jim Lockard

I am pleased to announce that my two books, SACRED THINKING, and CREATING THE BELOVED COMMUNITY will soon be available in Spanish. I owe thanks for this to a number of people who I will mention in the near future.

 

 

 

WHEN SPIRITUAL BYPASS BECOMES SPIRITUAL MALPRACTICE, PART 1

“Spiritual bypassing, a term first coined by psychologist John Welwood in 1984, is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. It is much more common than we might think and, in fact, is so pervasive as to go largely unnoticed, except in its more obvious extremes.”

~ Robert Augustus Masters, Spiritual Bypassing: Avoidance in Holy Drag

“There are people who have an amazing knowledge of themselves…. But even those people wouldn’t be capable of knowing what is going on in their unconscious.”

~ C.G. Jung

I offer two maxims to guide the reader through this series of posts, which will cover some difficult and uncomfortable terrain.

1. We are more driven by unconscious patterns and impulses than we realize.
2. Spiritual Bypassing is common in New Thought spiritual communities.

The first maxim is one which can be seen as limiting some of what we are often taught in New Thought – that we can bring everything to conscious awareness and direct (or re-direct) any aspect of our lives using positive thinking. While our ability to change our unconscious mind is real, it is not an absolute; that is, we cannot empty our unconscious of its contents. The unconscious is too vast to bring fully into conscious awareness, and aspects of our inner psyche which affect everything from our perception to our decision-making, will remain beyond our awareness. At best, we can bring up what most needs to be healed and make the needed changes to develop a consciousness which is more of a representation of our best selves.

This brings up the idea of free will, and the degree to which we are completely free to perceive and decide, with no unconscious conditioning or biases affecting our seeming freedom to choose (LINK to Scientific American Article). As the most recent research shows (LINK), our unconscious conditioning has a greater effect on us than we realize – and must be considered as we do our spiritual and psychological practices. We must look deeper and more closely at ourselves or we miss the evidence of our unconscious conditioning and biases.

“Consciousness, no matter how extensive it may be, must always remain the smaller circle within the greater circle of the unconscious, an island surrounded by the sea; and, like the sea itself, the unconscious yields an endless and self-replenishing abundance of living creatures, a wealth beyond our fathoming. ”

~ Carl Jung, Psychology of the Transference

Ernest Holmes emphasizes the importance of using our conscious mind to program our unconscious, because the objective (conscious) reflects the subjective (unconscious) mind.

“The objective form to which we give our attention is created from the very attention which we give it. The objective is but the reflection of the subject state of thought. Life is a blackboard upon which we consciously or unconsciously write those messages which govern us. We hold the chalk and the eraser in our hand but are ignorant of this fact.”

~ Ernest Holmes

The first maxim is important in helping us to both understand the essence of the second maxim and to create a practice of compassion around our approach to it. Almost all spiritual bypassing is unconsciously driven; bringing this to the awareness of someone engaging in bypassing must be done compassionately to have the best chance of meeting a willingness to change within that person or persons. As we begin to address the second maxim, I encourage the reader to hold this in mind.

Regarding the second maxim, I am guided here, at least in part, by two articles which awakened something within me – some of which I was aware, and some of which I was unaware. In other words, more of my blind spots (LINK) became apparent. I think they are worth addressing here, both for my own benefit and for the benefit of those who read this, so an increased level of awareness may result. They are (both titles are hotlinks):

Spiritual Bypassing: Avoidance in Holy Drag by Robert Augustus Masters, PhD (he also authored a book with the same title)

and

When Spiritual Bypassing Meets Racism Meets Gaslighting, by Camille Williams – this article will be the focus of Part 2 of this series.

“Spiritual bypassing is a very persistent shadow of spirituality, manifesting in many ways, often without being acknowledged as such. Aspects of spiritual bypassing include exaggerated detachment, emotional numbing and repression, overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia, blind or overly tolerant compassion, weak or too porous boundaries, lopsided development (cognitive intelligence often being far ahead of emotional and moral intelligence), debilitating judgment about one’s negativity or shadow elements, devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual, and delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being.”

~ Robert Augustus Masters, PhD

With this definition of spiritual bypassing in hand, we can begin to explore how it manifests within a New Thought setting. It is helpful here to have some knowledge of Spiral Dynamics™, especially the Green Level of Existence (LINK). Although bypassing can occur at any stage on the spiral, Green, because of its feelings-based nature, is particularly prone to several of the manifestations noted in Masters’ quote above, especially “overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia, blind or overly tolerant compassion, weak or too porous boundaries.”

So, spiritual bypassing is the opposite of authenticity. It is the often-unconscious desire to have everything appear to be what one desires at the expense of dealing with inner and outer realities. It can be used to stifle conflict or differing viewpoints (as in calling a group to prayer-treatment at the first sign of conflict); to deny realities such as financial lack or a decline in the capabilities of aging leaders; to maintain unconscious patterns of discrimination; or to create a false sense of security so that one or a group does not have to face a difficult reality or decision.

At its core, however, spiritual bypassing is a refusal to do the deep work necessary for true spirituality to express in a person or community. We are all, to one degree or another, terrified of the power within us. Bringing it forth in a more complete and authentic way, which most of us claim to desire, would also cause chaos in the order of our present lives. Nothing would be safe. Those in spiritual leadership are not free of this fear, nor are they necessarily more spiritually authentic than anyone else (LINK). In fact, much of what goes on in spiritual community is going through the motions of a surface piety to some theological principles while being careful not to upset the comfort zones of ourselves and others.

“True spirituality is not a high, not a rush, not an altered state. It has been fine to romance it for a while, but our times call for something far more real, grounded, and responsible; something radically alive and naturally integral; something that shakes us to our very core until we stop treating spiritual deepening as a something to dabble in here and there. Authentic spirituality is not some little flicker or buzz of knowingness, not a psychedelic blast-through or a mellow hanging-out on some exalted plane of consciousness, not a bubble of immunity, but a vast fire of liberation, an exquisitely fitting crucible and sanctuary, providing both heat and light for what must be done. Most of the time when we’re immersed in spiritual bypassing, we like the light but not the heat, doing whatever we can to distance ourselves from the flames.”

~ Robert Augustus Masters, PhD

To be sure, everyone in a spiritual community is unlikely to want to live at that level. There are lots of reasons for this and finding even a handful of people who are willing to go deep into themselves and stir up shadow selves is a challenge. A spiritual community which can accommodate that smaller group within its larger community will have a source of richness missing in most communities. To do this requires attuned leadership who have credibility with those on a deeper and more authentic spiritual pathway. Such leaders are also rare.

“Is not the shadow of a group more than the sum of individual shadows, and might it not create a whole new dimension of unconsciousness?”

~ James Hollis, Author & Jungian Analyst

What is important to gain from this post is that spiritual bypass is common, it is mostly unconscious, and it is a big turn-off to those who seek authenticity in their spiritual leaders and spiritual community. It is also an obstacle to achieving significant mission-centric expression. Here is where we get to utilize our free will to direct ourselves in a more authentic direction. Leaders can empower their members to speak up when they suspect spiritual bypass, and train themselves and others how to compassionately respond when others are not being authentic. This approach will go a long way toward aligning a spiritual community to create #TheBelovedCommunity.

“To truly outgrow spiritual bypassing—which in part means releasing spirituality (and everything else!) from the obligation to make us feel better or more secure or more whole—we must not only see it for what it is and cease engaging in it but also view it with genuine compassion, however fiery that might be or need to be. The spiritual bypasser in us needs not censure nor shaming but rather to be consciously and caringly included in our awareness without being allowed to run the show. Becoming intimate with our own capacity for spiritual bypassing allows us to keep it in healthy perspective.”

~ Robert Augustus Masters, PhD

“The more ‘enlightened’ we believe ourselves to be, the vaster we discover that which remains unconscious.”

~ James Hollis, Jungian analyst

In Part 2 of this series, we will look at the more destructive elements of spiritual bypassing, the things which can tear a spiritual community apart.

As always, your comments are welcomed below. Please feel free to share this post with others who may be interested. If you like, you can sign up to follow the blog above and receive an email whenever a new post is published.

Copyright 2017 – Jim Lockard

NOTE: I used several quotes by Robert Augustus Masters in this post. At the time, I was generally unfamiliar with his work, other than an article on spiritual bypassing. I have since learned that he has admitted to abuse of students and members of a group which he led. I will not be referring to him or to his work again. – Jim Lockard October 2018